so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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