I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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