Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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