Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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