I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
