i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize