Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
