mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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