running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
