if you like me you must not know who I am
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
