all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
