So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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