even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
