you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
