its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
