Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
