i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
