You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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