I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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