Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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