this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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