You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
