do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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