The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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