I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
