so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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