So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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