Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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