Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
