Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
