just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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