I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
