So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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