Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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