You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
