The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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