Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
