talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
