i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
oh god was she eating orange peels again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I deserve to be covered in dicks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
