Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
