Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
