Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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