i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize