Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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