if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
