My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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