I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
