If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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