I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
