he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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