I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
