So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
