he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
