Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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