why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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