Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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