super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
