Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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