I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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