when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
