When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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