you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
