you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she peed on how many people?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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