Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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