I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
