I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
